


If It Weren’t For You Meddling Kids

by orphan_account



Category: South Park
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - High School, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Chatlogs, Chatting & Messaging, Child Abuse, Death Related Drama, Developing Relationship, Emotional Baggage, F/F, F/M, Genderfluid Kenny McCormick, Homecoming, How Do I Tag, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, I’m Talking About Kenny Character Death, Kenny-centric at times, Like, M/M, Minor Injuries, Near Death Experiences, Not Really Character Death, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Character Death, Piercings, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Relationship, Prom, School Dances, Serious Injuries, Sexuality Crisis, Teenage Dorks, Teenage Drama, Temporary Character Death, They’re 16 because i’d rather write stupid 16 year olds than stupid 10 year olds ., Underage Drinking, Underage Drug Use, Underage Smoking, Unresolved Emotional Tension, dumb kids, most of them - Freeform, that period was on accident
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-10
Updated: 2018-03-05
Packaged: 2019-03-16 04:18:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 25
Words: 10,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13628445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Teenagers being stupid, and maybe getting themselves and others hurt in the process.--This is not entirely chatfic and will break into narration sometimes, as it's hard to contain drama into texts. Sorry if that bothers you.--





	1. i was born with glass bones

—the guys—

:chat created by kendoll at 5:67 pm:

kendoll: hey gang

marshman: cartmans not in this chat??

marshman: i mean thats not a bad thing but

kendoll: exactly

jinger: Oh HELL YES.

jinger: Kenny, you are my hero.

kendoll: ya i know

marshman: is this to wrangle more money out of him?

kendoll: actually no for once 

kendoll: i try to wait until he gets his allowance 

kendoll: for maximum cash

kendoll: like if i do it too much and ask for too much money hell probably get suspicious of me or smth

kendoll: which i dont wanna risk 

marshman: isn’t he like...your main income 

kendoll: no i have jobs

kendoll: not like permanent jobs but i do stuff

kendoll: payment differs

marshman: dude i didnt need your life story

kendoll: i was born with glass bones and paper skin every morning i break my legs and every afternoon i break my arms at night i lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep

jinger: Why do you remember that?

kendoll: stan just blocked me

kendoll: success fellas


	2. Best Friends

private message : cartwheel to kendoll

cartwheel: add me to ur private chat

kendoll: This Number Is No Longer Receiving Messages.

cartwheel: that isnt the blocked message asshole

kendoll: oh i forgot you get it all the time

cartwheel: die

kendoll: k

cartwheel: just add me

kendoll: you already have a chat with everyone else man

kendoll: maybe i wanna talk to stan and kyle alone

cartwheel: yeah like they wanna talk to you

kendoll: below the belt cartman

kendoll: and yeah they do

cartwheel: no they dont

kendoll: yeah they do

cartwheel: no they dont

kendoll: yeah they do

cartwheel: no they dont

kendoll: yeah they do

cartwheel: no they dont

kendoll: yeah they do

cartwheel: no they dont

kendoll: yknow what

carthwheel: what

kendoll: just fuck you man

cartwheel: fuck you too

—you’ve been blocked, asshole—

cartwheel: and why the fuck did you make that the blocked message

—you’ve been blocked, asshole—

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay two chapters


	3. Buttercup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wow this is such an obvious chapter

private message : buttercup to kendoll

buttercup: hey, ken?

kendoll: heya

buttercup: why haven’t you been at school?

kendoll: sick

buttercup: you’re sick a lot lately....[sad emoji]

kendoll: yeah

buttercup: [sad emoji x5]

kendoll: dont do that

buttercup: do what?

kendoll: that

kendoll: be sad

buttercup: im just worried about you!

kendoll: dont do that!!!!

buttercup: aaa!!! ok!!!

kendoll: thank you ily

buttercup: ily too!

kendoll: uh as friends btw

buttercup: yeah!!! 

buttercup: you’re my best friend!!!

kendoll: aw thank you

buttercup: np buddy!

kendoll: [happy emoji]

kendoll: nobody can know i just used an emoji

buttercup: haha okay, whatever you say

buttercup: what’s so bad about emojis?

kendoll: ruins my chances with the ladies

buttercup: what ladies? :0

kendoll: ouch leo

buttercup: what!!!

buttercup: what did i say!!!

kendoll: im messing with you dude

kendoll: are you still coming over

buttercup: arent you sick...?

kendoll: maybe

buttercup: are you skipping!

kendoll: [gtgchicken.jpg]

buttercup: ken!

buttercup: KEN!!!


	4. Tweek Sees A Dumbass In A Cape

—craig’s gang—

coffeebean: DKKDJDJXHV AADFGGS CDKDKKD

craig: good morning

coffeebean: JVJBDUVDT IVSAWHIMJ HHDYCRYF

craig: saw who?

gametokens: How can you tell what he’s saying?

craig: practice

coffeebean: IWKDKDK MYSTERIONWASTHERE SKJSJSJ

craig: mysterion....?

clydeslide: like from when we played as kids?

buttercup: you mean ken?

coffeebean: NONONO IT WAS MYSTERION!!!

gametokens: Does Kenny even have that costume, Butters?

buttercup: i don’t know actually

buttercup: we dont hang out AT his house

craig: are you sure it was mysterion, babe? maybe it was somebody else in costume?

coffeebean: NONONO I SAW HIS STUPID LITTLE QUESTION MARK IT WAS KENNY!!!! KENNY AS MYSTERION

craig: honey,do you want me to come over?

coffeebean: yes

craig: omw 

 

private message : kendoll to coffeebean

kendoll: tweek

coffeebean: JDJDJJDJDJ

kendoll: yeah same but

kendoll: i need nobody to know you saw me okay

coffeebean: as mysterion?

kendoll: yes as mysterion

kendoll: im just helping people out around town

kendoll: and if people knew theyd be a little worried about me

coffeebean: why

kendoll: well my work now isnt the safest

coffeebean: what do you do that gets you so hurt?

kendoll: people own knives

coffeebean: KAKKSJSJ

kendoll: YOURE NOT TO TELL LEO OKAY

coffebean: HOW DO I NOT TELL BUTTERS ABOUT THIS KENNY

kendoll: YOU JUST DONT MENTION IT ITS THAT EASY

coffeebean: IS THAT WHY YOU DONT COME TO SCHOOL? BECAUSE YOURE HURT?

kendoll: WHY SHOULD YOU KNOW

coffeebean: WE’RE FRIENDS

kendoll: YOUR BOYFRIEND HATES ME

coffeebean: CRAIG DOESNT HATE YOU HE HATES CARTMAN

kendoll: EVERYBODY HATES CARTMAN

coffeebean: WELL YEAH BUT

coffeebean: I AM COMING TO YOUR HOUSE

coffeebean: TELL ME WHATS WRONG 

kendoll: NO

coffeebean: KENNETH

kendoll: fine

kendoll: i got a little cut but its fine

coffeebean: show me!!!

kendoll: [ugh.jpg]

coffeebean: THAT IS A STAB WOUND

coffeebean: YOU COULD DIE!

kendoll: haha yeah

coffeebean: THATS NOT A HAHA YEAH

kendoll: [upside down smile emoji]

coffeebean: WHERE DO YOU LIVE

kendoll: nowhere

coffeebean: WHERE!!!!

kendoll: just call me jfc

coffebean: there’s a call function?

kendoll: yeah

coffeebean: okay....

kendoll: ok


	5. KTC

—- ktc —-   
6:45 pm 11/13

: coffeebean added craig, kendoll to chat :

kendoll: im still pissed

craig: oh my god stop being a fucking drama queen 

coffeebean: dont yell at him craig!!! he’s going through a lot!!!!

kendoll: i just thought it would only be tweek

coffeebean: i’m sorry, kenny, i forgot craig was coming over and didnt wanna lie to him or anything.....

kendoll: ugh its fine

kendoll: just

kendoll: do not tell leo

craig: yeah, tweek told me, i get it. butters doesnt have to know. 

kendoll: thank you

 

—it’s the nutshack—  
3:33 pm 11/15

marshman: hey, what’s everybody got for movie night tonight

jinger: I got Mean Girls.

cartwheel: FUCKING MEAN GIRLS

cartwheel: WE’RE WATCHING A CHICK FLICK?

jinger: IT’S NOT A CHICK FLICK, IT’S A COMEDY! IT’S FUNNY. IT CAN BE ENJOYED BY ALL GENDERS AND ALL AGES, CARTMAN.

cartwheel: ITS A CHICKFLICK DUMBASS

jinger: I AM FILLED WITH NOTHING BUT HATRED FOR YOU, ERIC. NOTHING BUT HATRED FOR YOU AND YOUR TINY, TINY BRAIN.

marshman: ....

marshman: so, what did you rent, kenny?

kendoll: oh shit

kendoll: i kind of. forgot 

cartwheel: you forgot movie night

cartwheel: the thing we’ve done since sixth grade

cartwheel: every friday night

cartwheel: every single time

kendoll: yeah i forgot

kendoll: asshole

kendoll: im busy

kendoll: and i didnt have time rent a movie

cartwheel: oh yeah

cartwheel: are you sure its not bc you cant afford one

kendoll: please shut the fuck up

cartwheel: thats totally it

kendoll: i sincerely hope you get hit by a car eric

cartwheel: he cant afford a 15 dollar movie guys

kendoll: i fucking hate you

cartwheel: why dont you have them pay for your fucking super hero games 

kendoll: my what

cartwheel: didnt you hear me

cartwheel: mysterion

kendoll: what the fuck

marshman: leave him alone cartman

cartwheel: cmon kenny i wanna hear about your ‘good deeds’

cartwheel: kennyyyyyyyy

kendoll: why do you guys know about that

jinger: Guys, maybe Kenny’s trying to hold on to his youth.

kendoll: no thats not it at all

jinger: :?

kendoll: i

kendoll: first of all

kendoll: how do you guys know about this

jinger: Craig told us.

cartwheel: craig

marshman: uhh craig

kendoll: what the FUCK

kendoll: what the actual fucking fuck

kendoll: fuck

marshman: kenny its not a big deal

marshman: its fine that you like to play around

kendoll: im not playing

kendoll: im helping people 

cartwheel: yeah, getting cats out of trees, ha

jinger: You don’t have to be so dramatic, Kenny. It’s not like you’re doing anything serious.

kendoll: YES I AM

kendoll: IVE GOTTEN INJURED DOING THIS SHIT KYLE

kendoll: WHY DO YOU THINK I MISS SCHOOL

cartwheel: to jack off

kendoll: DO YOU PRICKS THINK THATS ALL I DO

marshman: ....kinda

jinger: Kenny, just calm down.

kendoll: NO!

kendoll: FUCK YOU GUYS.

: kendoll has left the chat. :

marshman: did he block you guys too?

jinger: Yeah.....

cartwheel: what an asswipe

jinger: What if he really is helping people, though?

cartwheel: cmon hes just being a drama queen again 

marshman: idk, i think he’s serious this time! he was really upset

cartwheel: guys

jinger: I’m gonna go talk to him. Wanna meet me there, Stan?

cartwheel: g u y s

marshman: yeah ill get my bike

cartwheel: oh my goddddd


	6. Immortal

—-its the nutshack—-

kendoll: hey whats tonights homework

marshman: JDJDKSOKSNCNNDJDJ

jinger: HOLY SHIT

kendoll: thank you kyle ill look up HOLY SHIT in the textbook

kendoll: youre very helpful

cartwheel: KENNYS ALIVE?

kendoll: i missed one day of school yall

jinger: NO! WE SAW YOU DIE KENNETH

kendoll: what

marshman: YOU DIED!

kendoll: when dont i lmao

marshman: WHAT

kendoll: nvm

jinger: WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE???

kendoll:

kendoll: are you saying you remember me dying

jinger: YOU GOT RAN OVER THREE TIMES! ITS HARD TO FORGET, KENNY!

kendoll: one second let me

—New Chat—

: a moderator added three groups to this chat :

kendoll: hi everyone

coffeebean: AAAAAAAAAA

craig: WHAT THE HELL

gametokens: KENNY

clydeslide: whAT

kendoll: STOP SPAMMING

j.oker: NO

beebeegun: W H A T

callgirl: Let’s just stay calm, everyone.

kendoll: thank you wendy

callgirl: KENNY????

kendoll: oh goddammit 

heidihole: OH MY GOD

cartwheel: why is she here

heidihole: IS THIS REALLY THE TIME ERIC

kendoll: CAN EVERYONE SHUT UP

kendoll: thank you

kendoll: now

kendoll: you guys remember me dying

callgirl:....Yes. Yes, we do. Stan and Kyle found your body.

callgirl: How are you here?

kendoll: do you guys remember when we played super heroes

marshman: yeah. its where wendy got her username

kendoll: do you remember mysterions power

jinger: Wait, really?

kendoll: i cant die

kendoll: i told you i wasnt kidding

kendoll: i wake back up in my bed

kendoll: and you guys never remember 

gametokens: ....So why do we remember this time? 

kendoll: i dont know

callgirl: How do you come back?

kendoll: i dont know

kendoll: ive died a lot 

kendoll: its like

kendoll: constant

kendoll: i die like every other week

marshman: why?!

kendoll: i dont know stan!!!

kendoll: ive tried to figure it out since third grade and i still dont know!!!

kendoll: god

buttercup: ken?

kendoll: leo

kendoll: shit

kendoll: im coming over there

buttercup: no ill meet you somewhere

kendoll: library 

buttercup: library

marshman: ....what the fuck just happened 

callgirl: Well.

callgirl: It looks like our friend has a superpower.


	7. Useless Bisexual

—the guy—

kendoll: soooooo are you guys gonna walk me to school again

marshman: yup

jinger: Yep.

kendoll: what are you gonna do next

kendoll: wrap me in bubble wrap

kendoll: hold my hand as we cross the street

kendoll: cut my sandwiches into little shapes

kendoll: these are my parents, guys, stan and kyle

jinger: Maybe we’ll just let you walk alone.

kendoll: cool

marshman: cmon we gotta keep him safe

kendoll: this is the funniest thing ive seen all day

marshman: you said you’re constantly getting hurt or dying, we want to prevent that, man

kendoll: its literally fine

kendoll: im used to it

marshman: we dont want you to be used to it!!

marshman: thats not a thing to be used to

kendoll: ughhhhhhhh

kendoll: stop WORRYING about me its WEIRD

kendoll: you guys are supposed to be emotionally distant from me

jinger: We’re trying to break that habit!

kendoll: n o

marshman: yes

kendoll: ill just skip

marshman: cmon i have an extra sandwich in my lunchbox for you.

kendoll:

kendoll: really

marshman: ham and cheese.

kendoll: ill meet you outside

marshman: thats what i thought

jinger: I can let you have my extra fudge round, too.

kendoll: HELL YEAH!!!

jinger: Pffft.

kendoll: shut

jinger: You can just ask for us to buy you lunch.

kendoll: i just wish they still gave free lunches

kendoll: at least for kids who need them

marshman: the school system is cheap

marshman: and im tired of you not eating lunch

kendoll: i do sometimes

kendoll: i get apples

marshman: you steal apples

kendoll: touché

kendoll: do you think well see cartman at the bus stop

kendoll: when we walk by it

marshman: maybe we should ride the bus with him, like in elementary school

kendoll: HAHAHAHAHA

jinger: PFFFFFFFFT

marshman: i’m serious!

kendoll: oh stan you useless bisexual

marshman: im straight 

kendoll: k

marshman: i am!

kendoll: K

marshman: kyle tell him im straight

jinger: I uh gotta go

marshman: KYLE


	8. Art Class

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> these dumb kids are texting in class

—New Chat—

gametokens: So....it’s looking like WE’RE the only ones who remember Kenny dying.

gametokens: Our art teacher full on didn’t notice Kenny was out of place, and neither did the other students besides he and I.

callgirl: Yeah, and I haven’t seen anybody talking about it....

buttercup: thats so weird

kendoll: i didnt do my homework because i figured theyd remember i was dead lol

buttercup: ken!!!

kendoll: sorry babe

marshman: wait what

callgirl: This isn’t the time, Stan.

callgirl: So it seems only the people in this chat remember Kenny dying at all.

kendoll: at least karen doesnt remember 

clydeslide: your little sister?

kendoll: yeah

j.oker: that would be pretty bad, yeah

cartwheel: wait you guys have art?

kendoll: die

cartwheel: thats your job

jinger: I AM GOING TO THROW YOU OUT OF A THIRD FLOOR WINDOW

callgirl: THAT ISN’T FUNNY!

kendoll: its kinda funny

coffeebean: KENNY

kendoll: i laugh through my pain tweek

coffeebean: pain? are you okay?!

craig: its a joke honey

coffeebean: i knew that

cartwheel: anyway art is gay

kendoll: i have a boyfriend

gametokens: i have a boyfriend

cartwheel: what

kendoll: leo

buttercup: yeah!!

cartwheel: WHAT

gametokens: I’ve been with Clyde for a while now....

clydeslide: yup!

cartwheel: WHAT

craig: this is news to me

callgirl: I have a girlfriend!

heidihole: We knowwww, Wendy.

beebeegun: [heart emojis]

callgirl: [heart emojis]

: cartwheel has left the chat :

kendoll: HAHAHAHA

marshman: nice job faking to get rid of him lol

kendoll: no stan im

kendoll: im actually dating leo

marshman: what

jinger: What.

buttercup: yeah, we’re dating!

jinger: You’re gay?!

kendoll: pan

jinger: Pan....?

kendoll: pansexual

jinger: Oh, duh.

marshman: whats pansexual?

kendoll: im attracted to all genders

marshman: so bi?

kendoll: no im not limited to only boys and girls

marshman: oh ok

kendoll: yup

marshman: tbh it feels like kyle and i are the only straight people left

jinger: Yeah.....

 

: private message: jinger to kendoll :

jinger: So about pansexuality...

kendoll: oh my god


	9. Death Dos

private message: kendoll to coffeebean 

kendoll: hey 

kendoll: how are you holding up

coffeebean: hhhhh,,,

kendoll: sorry you had to see that

coffeebean: your head split open

kendoll: i know

coffeebean: there was so much blood

kendoll: yeah i know

coffeebean: i

kendoll: im really sorry tweek

coffeebean: you didnt mean for it to happen

kendoll: i should i have checked my shoes

coffeebean: it was just a loose shoelace

kendoll: was it okay? after it happened?

coffeebean: 

kendoll: you dont have to talk about it nevermind im sorry

coffeebean: its ok

coffeebean: i just

coffeebean: went and got a teacher

coffeebean: and they 

coffeebean: took *you* away  
coffeebean: and i stayed in the nurses office until my parents picked me up

coffeebean: it happened

coffeebean: yeah

kendoll: im still sorry

coffeebean: its ok

coffeebean: craig is here, i should go

kendoll: tell him i said hi

coffeebean: he says hey

kendoll: cool and good

coffeebean: heheh….

coffeebean: i might call you before i go to bed

coffeebean: i like talking to you

kendoll: same

coffeebean: bye!

kendoll: see ya

 

\--the guys--

kendoll: hey

marshman: oh thank god 

kendoll: still immortal

jinger: What happened? I don’t know which rumors to trust.

kendoll: i was walking with tweek and tripped over my shoelace so i fell down the stairs

kendoll: my head smashed into the linoleum 

kendoll: i died on impact

jinger: Jesus christ….

marshman: tweek was pretty fucked up about it

kendoll: it was

kendoll: bad

kendoll: really really bad

marshman: are you okay?

kendoll: im alive

marshman: yes, but, are you okay?

kendoll:

kendoll: no

jinger: Do you want us to come over?

kendoll: no

jinger: Do you want us to pick you up?

kendoll:

marshman: we’ll go to burger king.

kendoll: okay

kendoll: i can meet you at the bus stop

jinger: Okay, cool.


	10. Gay Gay Gay Gay Gay Gay Gay Gay Gay Gay

private message : jinger to kendoll

jinger: Can I talk to you about something?

kendoll: sure mom

jinger: Nevermind.

kendoll: HA

jinger: Seriously, though.

kendoll: yeah yeah

kendoll: what is it

jinger: When did you figure out you were pan?

kendoll: i saw dudes in the porn mags and thought they were equally hot

kendoll: and nonbinary people are hot too

kendoll: though i didnt discover that for a while

jinger: nonbinary?

kendoll: not really male or female

jinger: Ooo-kay.

kendoll: is this about your crush on stan

jinger: I DO NOT HAVE A CRUSH ON STAN.

kendoll: [surejan.jpg]

jinger: ...

jinger: When we were walking together last night, I just...saw something, that I hadn’t seen before.

jinger: It wasn’t anything special.

jinger: He just….smiled at me.

kendoll: gayyyyyyyyyyyyyy

jinger: I don’t know….

kendoll: he just looks like stan

jinger: But it’s different….

jinger: ….Prettier.

kendoll: scuse me while i vomit

jinger: >:T

kendoll: so you clearly like guys

jinger: I like Stan.

kendoll: anybody else

jinger: Uh…

jinger: Ben Platt.

kendoll: who doesnt

kendoll: any girls

jinger: Erm.

jinger: Uh.

jinger:

jinger: No, actually.

jinger: Kenny, I am hella into dudes.

jinger: I’m hella gay!

kendoll: i knew that but k  
jinger: I’m having a moment.

kendoll: my mom is discovering himself

jinger: Shut.

kendoll: seriously tho

kendoll: im proud

kendoll: crying in the club man

jinger: >:T

 

private message : craig to coffeebean

craig: hey

coffeebean: hi!!!!

craig: its 2 am

coffeebean: oops

craig: why are you up?

coffeebean: i dont sleep, craig

craig: you do when im there

coffeebean: well youre calming….and pour my coffee out the window >:(

craig: its what keeps you awake!

coffeebean: i keep thinking about kenny

craig: oh

coffeebean: he’s died so many times and we just didnt...notice or care

coffeebean: we didnt help him!

craig: we didnt know it was happening, honey

coffeebean: i know but

craig: but?

coffeebean: i just….i wish i could have helped him

craig: i know you do

coffeebean: i feel like such a bad friend!

craig: yeah?

coffeebean: i just didnt remember something so important like kenny dying!

craig: nobody remembered.

coffeebean: i know but still

coffeebean: i feel bad

craig: i feel bad too

coffeebean: hhh

craig: do you want me to call you

coffeebean: yeah….

craig: okay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tweek, angrily, the next morning: WAIT WHY WERE YOU AWAKE AT 2AM


	11. Stan

**\--the guys--**

 

marshman: hey

 

jinger: Hey!!!!!!!

 

kendoll: howdy

 

**private message: kendoll to jinger**

 

kendoll: your gay is showing

 

jinger: Die.

 

kendoll: k

 

jinger: WAIT!!!!

 

kendoll: IM KIDDING DIGRIGRG

 

**\--the guys--**

 

marshman: did you just say howdy

 

kendoll: maybe

 

kendoll: yeah

 

jinger: H o w d y.

 

kendoll: yes

 

marshman: howdy pardner, its me, local sheriff kenny mccormick

 

kendoll: block button looking thicc as hell right now

 

jinger: I can’t believe this, I’m telling Butters you’re cheating on him with a block button.

 

kendoll: leo might actually get upset over that tbh

 

marshman: he’d fight the block button

 

kendoll: oh yeah

jinger: The guy would find a way.

 

kendoll: yall if my boyfriend gets beaten up by a block button i may love him but i would laugh

 

kendoll: i mean if i made sure he was ok

 

jinger: “Y'all”

 

marshman: i can't believe you’re actually dating butters

 

kendoll: I love him, Stan.

 

jinger: Wow, caps and punctuation…

 

kendoll: I mean business.

 

marshman: you held his hand at lunch 

 

kendoll: yeah i thought you were having a stroke

 

marshman: i mean it was cute 

 

kendoll: im pretty sure if i kiss his cheek you will combust

 

marshman: maybe.

 

**\--jinger to kendoll--**

 

jinger: I wish he’d hold my hand…

 

kendoll: he does

 

kendoll: like

 

kendoll: all the time

 

jinger: But it’s as friends!

 

kendoll: stan is oblivious, he wont notice unless you tell him upfront three times

 

kendoll: or kiss him

 

jinger: BOY I WISH!!!

kendoll: lmao me in seventh grade

 

jinger: What.

 

kendoll: oh i had a huge crush on stan in middle school

 

jinger: Really?

 

jinger: How did I not know?!

 

kendoll: you’re his super best friend of course i didnt tell you

 

kendoll: youd just tell him

 

kendoll: im over it

 

kendoll: leos more important 

 

jinger: Hmmm…

 

kendoll: dude i dont like stan

 

jinger: [eyes emoji]

 

kendoll: you useless gay

  
  
  


**\--private message: marshman to kendoll--**

 

marshman: heyyy kendyy

 

marshman: kjenntnyyyy

 

marshman: cmonn i thought we we4e rfreinds mt dudw

 

marshman: wka eupppppppp

 

marshman: wake Up dumbass

 

kendoll: fuck

 

kendoll: are you drunk

marshman: nooooo

 

kendoll: dude really

 

marshman: i thought u were coool man

 

marshman: i was gonna inviute you over to drijnk with me and shutu\

 

kendoll: oh what the fuck

 

kendoll: no

 

kendoll: i dont drink with you stan

 

kendoll: you have a problem

 

marshman: do not

 

kendoll: yes you do

 

marshman: be that wayy

 

marshman: what r u going to do 

 

kendoll: tell kyle

 

marshman: NONONONO

 

kendoll: im telling him, he deserves to know

 

marshman: IF YOU TELL KYLE ILL KILL YOU

 

kendoll: ill come back idiot

 

marshman: fuck you kenny

 

**\--call transcript: Kenny to Kyle--**

 

KENNY: Kyle, hey.

 

KYLE: You better have a good damn reason for waking me up at 3 am on a Saturday.

 

KENNY: Stan….Stan’s drinking.

 

Kyle: …

 

Kyle: I’m going to punch him in the fucking face.

 

Kenny: Me too.


	12. Super Best Friends Fight Again

**\--private message: marshman to jinger--**

 

marshman: kyle

 

marshman: kyyyyle

 

marshman: kyle

 

marshman: my super best friend

 

marshman: the love of my life

 

marshman: my sun

 

marshman: my moon

 

marshman: my stars

 

jinger: Stop it.

 

marshman: you’re STILL mad at me?

 

jinger: Yes, I am.

 

marshman: dude, its not that big a deal

 

jinger: Yes, it is.

 

marshman: i got drunk once

 

marshman: kenny gets wasted all the time

 

jinger: Summer.

 

marshman: what?

 

jinger: The last time Kenny got drunk was at a party the summer before this year.

 

jinger: Kenny gets drunk rarely.

 

jinger: You have a damn problem.

 

marshman: dude can we not argue

 

jinger: Can you not get drunk?

 

marshman: dont be a smartass

 

jinger: You could get drunk and do some stupid shit.

 

jinger: You already do stupid shit.

 

jinger: You drink and you smoke and you cut and never talk to us!

 

jinger: What did we do, Stan?

 

marshman: nothing

 

jinger: Then why the fuck do you do this?

 

jinger: Did you know you made Kenny cry?

 

marshman: 

 

marshman: i havent seen him cry since we were kids

 

jinger: Well, I have!

 

jinger: Because I talk to him, goddammit!

 

jinger: Did you know his dad actually hit him? 

 

marshman: when?!

 

jinger: When we snuck out to get you!

 

jinger: He walked in on a fight and has a bruise on his stomach now.

 

jinger: He had to show up to you slurring and ruining your own life!

 

jinger: We both have stupid families but at least they don’t hit us!

 

jinger: They’re annoying and rude and dumb but we have food on the table and money for college and shit!

 

jinger: Kenny doesn’t have that!

marshman: he told us he doesnt care about that shit

 

jinger: He told YOU that.

 

jinger: He told you that.

 

jinger: He’s worried you’ll get yourself killed.

 

jinger: He sobbed into my shirt. 

 

marshman: can i talk to him?

 

jinger: He’s at my house. And I’m not letting you in.

 

marshman: kyle…

 

jinger: Leave us alone until you shape the fuck up, Stan.

 

jinger: You aren’t immortal.

 

**\--you’ve been blocked,asshole--**


	13. Gunshot

\--New Chat--

kendoll: howdy

gametokens: Hey.

kendoll: im bleeding out in an alleyway whats good

gametokens: FUCK

kendoll: i got out the bullet but theres a huge hole in my left leg

coffeebean: HOW???

kendoll: i went after a gang

craig: literally why would you do that,

kendoll: they were hurting people

gametokens: I’m coming to help.

jinger: Me too.

coffeebean: me three

craig: ill go with tweek

 

Thank god for Token owning a car and studying medical knowledge too much. Kyle was in the front seat while Craig and Tweek sat in the back, Tweek’s legs bouncing as he twitched and fidgeted.

“Breathe,” Craig mumbled, and instead of arguing, the blonde did, playing with Craig’s fingers anxiously, eyes flitting around. But his legs calmed slightly.

They found Kenny where he promised, sitting against a wall with his leg out, panting. His mask was off, and his hair stuck to his forehead with sweat, eyes unfocused.

“Kenny,” Kyle crouched by him and held his hand. Kenny mumbled a hello.

Token blinked at the wound. He was right; it was pretty fucked. “Tweek, I need you to hold the kit. Kyle and Craig, hold either hand.”

Craig reluctantly did. The four knew taking Kenny to the hospital was out of the question; his parents couldn’t pay, and he wouldn’t take donations. For now, he leaned on Kyle, who was sweating as much as him.

Token rolled Kenny’s pant leg up, causing him to fidget and cry out. 

“I need to get to the wound,” Token said calmly. Kenny blinked, grimacing, but nodded.

When Token poured the disinfectant on, Kenny screamed. Craig slapped a hand over his mouth. 

“We got you, we got you,” Kyle mumbled. Craig was kind of mystified and….hurt, seeing Kenny like this, weak and crying instead of cocky and grinning. 

“Let me die, let me die-” He sobbed, trying to stay still, and Kyle held onto his hand tighter.

Tweek held the leg down. When did they get a needle and thread-

Kenny’s screams were muffled just in time, his fingernails clawing at Kyle’s hand and arm, Craig’s entire arm over his mouth. After the stitches were in, he seemed to have passed out, which was honestly better. 

“Nngh…” Tweek wrapped the leg instead of Token, who was checking him over. The scratches on his knuckles were bad, and- the bruise, when he lifted his shirt a little, after nodding to Kyle. There weren’t scars. His body was new from then. 

The four sat there. 

“Holy shit,” Craig mumbled. 

 

“K-Kyle, your arm….” Tweek winced at Kyle’s bleeding arm from where Kenny had desperately scratched it. 

“I’m okay,” Kyle sighed, dabbing a cotton ball from the kit on them, then slapping bandaids on. “Surface scratch, that’s all….”

“Craig, what about you?” Token turned his head to him. 

“He bit me, only a little,” Craig admitted, showing his arm. Even though Tweek whined, it wasn’t bleeding or anything, just bruised. 

“....We’ll take him to my house,” Token sighed. 

Craig carried him to the car.


	14. KKTTC

**\--KTC--**

 

**\--coffeebean added two members--**

 

**\--coffeebean renamed the chat KKTTC--**

 

craig: yknow if we add clyde to this chat itd be kkttcc

 

kendoll: pffft

 

craig: anyway

 

craig: hey token

 

craig: oh and kyle

 

gametokens: So...you guys just have this chat?

 

coffeebean: we use it pretty often…..

 

gametokens: It still kinda surprises me that you three are friends.

 

kendoll: i mean tweek and i were friends in seventh grade

 

jinger: Oh?

 

coffeebean: he told me uhm...about a crush

 

kendoll: you dont gotta hide it

 

kendoll: it was stan

 

jinger: Oh, right.

 

kendoll: tweek was one of the openly gay kids who was….approachable

 

kendoll: no offense craig

 

craig: none taken

 

kendoll: i guess we became closer this year?

 

kendoll: i mean he knew about leo and i way before anybody else

 

gametokens: Anyway. How are you, Kenny?

 

kendoll: hhh

 

kendoll: worried about karen mostly

 

kendoll: i should go home….

 

jinger: We talked about this, Kenny….

 

kendoll: they might hurt her

 

kendoll: you cant hide me in your room forever

 

jinger: I’m not hiding you! Mom knows you’re here.

 

kendoll: im surprised she let me stay….

 

kendoll: but what if she kicks me out

 

jinger: She won’t.

 

kendoll: your family cant support me forever, and once she finds out about my leg

 

gametokens: Stay with me.

 

kendoll: huh?

 

gametokens: Kenny, with lack of better phrasing, I’m loaded.

 

gametokens: We have plenty of room.

 

gametokens: You can stay with me.

 

kendoll: 

 

kendoll: do i have to

 

gametokens: Yes.

 

jinger: Yes.

 

kendoll: hmph

 

gametokens: You can ride home from school with me.

 

coffeebean: hows your leg….?

 

kendoll: its ok

 

jinger: I’m making sure he takes care of it.

 

kendoll: i still limp

 

gametokens: It’s fine to limp, just don’t strain yourself.

 

jinger: I got him painkillers from my cabinet….

 

kendoll: i looooove them

 

jinger: I hold onto them for a reason….

 

kendoll: i LOOOOOVE THEM

 

coffeebean: :(

 

kendoll: listen kyle wont let me get high its fine

 

kendoll: unless its like. weed

 

jinger: I’d prefer you didn’t smoke it….

 

kendoll: i eat pot brownies when i do now

 

jinger: At least you can’t overdose on pot?

 

kendoll: yeah

 

kendoll: its better than cigarettes :)

 

coffeebean: are you vaguing about stan?

 

kendoll: not so vaguely

 

jinger: I don’t wanna talk about Stan.

kendoll: kyle please

 

jinger: You can, but I won’t.

 

craig: whats going on with stan?

 

kendoll: uh drinking issues

 

jinger: He’s an idiot who’s turning into his drunk dad, refusing to get help, and he’s inevitably going to kill himself.

 

kendoll: stop

 

coffeebean: hhhh…

 

gametokens: Didn’t he stop drinking?

 

jinger: For a bit.

 

kendoll: hhh,

 

jinger: He needs medication but refuses to ask for help.

 

craig: for?

 

jinger: Depression, obviously.

 

coffeebean: kinda like how craig wants me to get meds for my,uhm, anxiety?

 

craig: you need them.

 

coffeebean: well i cant get them so

 

craig: ugh

 

jinger: …..I uh, think Kenny needs me.

 

coffeebean: oh, okay.

 

jinger: See you guys...later.

 

**\--jinger has gone offline--**

 

**\--kendoll has gone offline--**

 

craig: so….

 

coffeebean: don’t you have study hall with kenny?

 

craig: yeah, ill talk to him

 

coffeebean: thank you honey [heart emoji]

 

craig: [heart emoji]

 

gametokens: E w

 

craig: fuck you

 

gametokens: I’ll just go, I have homework. Use protection.

 

coffeebean: DHbeufRIEFJRIFRF


	15. Death Tres

When Craig got to study hall, Kenny was already there, the cloth of his hood pulled over his mouth, leg propped on the chair in front of him.

 

“Hey,” Craig sat down next to him, glancing at his books- something pretentious and some tattered textbooks. 

“Heyh,” Kenny’s voice was muffled by the dumb jacket. Craig pulled it down.

“What the fuck, dude!” Kenny protested. The librarian shushed them and glared.

“I can’t understand you with that thing,” Craig muttered, opening a book to pretend to read. “And Kyle’s not here to translate.”

Kenny rolled his eyes and ducked behind his book, using the opportunity to shove two pills into his mouth from his pocket, swallowing them dry. Painkillers.

“What happened last night?”

“Worried...about Stan,” Kenny sighed, running his hands through his own hair when he slumped in his chair. “Kyle won’t talk about it.”

“You uh….almost freaked Tweek out?”

“He seemed okay in Geometry. Is he alright?”

“Yeah, we sorted it out, I just had to promise to talk to you.”

“I’m fine.”

“You promise?”

“Yeah.”

There were a few moments of silence, and eventually, Kenny laid his head down to take a nap for the remainder of class, asking Craig to promise to wake him up. Craig actually did some studying.

When the bell rang, he nudged Kenny.

And nudged him again.

And a third time.  
“Kenny. Wake up, asshole,” Craig sighed, shoving him, and getting no reaction. God, it was like he was-

 

 

Dead.

 

After a moment, Craig took Kenny’s wrist, and found no pulse.

And he screamed.

 

The second time Kenny died, Craig remembered finding Tweek shaking and sobbing in the nurse’s office. 

And though he was not sobbing, that’s where Craig was now. He’d prided himself on being calm and ‘stoic’, but he was here now, arms wrapped around himself.

His friend had just died. His friend had just overdosed.

What Craig hadn’t been aware of was that Kenny had taken two painkillers only an hour ago, totaling in four by study hall. And when he got drowsy and took a nap, that was him dying.

And goddammit, that was upsetting, and yeah, he fucking cried, and he fucking screamed, and he was here, with dried tears on his cheeks and a shock blanket draped over him. He talked to teachers, to police, to a guidance counselor.

And then, the absolute worst part.

The others.

Craig didn’t request them, but school closed and they got to him fast, because they knew why.

And there was Tweek, twitching madly, staring at Craig, who was frantically wiping at tears and trying to stay calm, stay calm, stay calm, stay calm!

Tweek crouched by Craig, hand shaking when it reached out to touch his boyfriend’s shoulder. “Hey….”

Craig flinched when he was touched, then stayed still, leaning his shoulder into Tweek’s hand. “....He just…”

“I know,” Tweek mumbled. “I k-know, sweetie…”

Kyle and Stan shared uneasy glances at eachother. When Stan opened his mouth, Kyle flipped him off and turned his attention to the couple. Stan looked at him like a kicked puppy. 

“Craig…” Token knelt by them. Clyde was a little amazed by how calm Tweek was being, but managed to crouch too. Jimmy, kind of flabbergasted, propped against the wall gently, blinking with uncertainty at his friends.

“I saw him die,” Craig mumbled, leaning into Tweek. “I let him...die.”

“N-no, no, you didn’t let him die, y-you would have st-stopped it if you could, right?”

“....Yeah, I would…”

“R-right, you would have! It’s g-going to be a-alright, and he’ll be back soon- Nngh!”

Craig had wrapped his arms around Tweek’s stomach and buried his face in his chest. Tweek patted his head, shoulders slumping, face growing calm, only twitching a little bit.

Token locked eyes with Tweek, who gave him a shaky smile. “Hm?”

“Nothing...Kyle, Stan?”

Kyle looked at him, and Stan blinked. “Yeah?”

“Kenny wakes up in his bed, right? You know where his house is. Go pick him up.”

Kyle glanced away. “....I can go on my own.”

“I want to see Kenn-”

“He doesn’t wanna see y-”

“Shut up!” Token groaned. “Both of you go get Kenny. You don’t have to talk to eachother. Just fucking do it, okay?!”

Kyle and Stan stared at eachother. Kyle’s stare was hard, and Stan had to glance away from his best fri….him.

“....Okay.”


	16. A Baby

After about fifteen minutes of walking in silence, Stan cleared his throat.

 

“So...Kenny lives with you now?”

 

Kyle nodded, not looking at him.

 

“And...your mom is okay with that?”

 

He nodded again.

 

“Okay. Silent treatment. I get it.”

 

The snow crunched under their boots, the wind whistling through the trees. Stan continued to sneak glances at Kyle. His cheeks were slightly pink from the cold, hands balled up into fists. He didn’t look at Stan, still, eyes focused on the road ahead.

 

“I feel like we could fix this faster if you talked to me.”

 

Kenny’s house rose in the distance, and Kyle sped up. Stan followed, sighing.

 

“Kyle, please. You won’t get anywhere ignoring me.”

 

Suddenly, Stan was pushed up against the tree, Kyle’s hand balled up in his shirt.

 

“I fucking love you, and you’re going to turn into fucking  _ Randy _ , and there’s nothing I can fucking do about it,” Kyle snapped, tears welling up in his eyes. “You’re an idiot, Stan, and I hate that, but I still love you.”

 

Stan was frozen, blinking at Kyle, mouth hanging open. Kyle let him go, and he almost fell. 

 

“....Now let’s go get Kenny.”

 

Stan didn’t say anything for the rest of the walk, still shocked, trying to process what Kyle had just said. He definitely wasn’t turning into his father. Right?

 

He was so lost in thought that he walked into Kyle when he stopped in front of Kenny’s broken bedroom window. 

 

“Kenny?” Kyle knocked on the window, then reached through the hole in the glass to move the blanket. 

 

“....That’s a baby,” Stan said, blankly.

 

And it mostly certainly was. A baby Kenny. Wow.

 

“Was he…. _ literally  _ reborn?” Kyle tilted his head.

 

“Is this how it works? How does he turn 16?”

 

“I don’t know….well, actually, Kenny is 15. Remember?”

 

“Oh, right. He’s a year younger.”

 

The baby….well, Kenny- was laying in his jacket, calm and asleep. 

 

“Do we still take him?”

 

“We can’t just leave him,” Kyle sighed, reaching through and cradling him in his arms. He actually smiled. “Remember when he called us his parents? Because….”

 

Stan was busy staring at Kyle’s smile. He hadn’t seen it this close for a bit.

 

Kyle stopped smiling. “I should take him to Token.”

 

“Kyle-”

 

“Goodbye, Stan.”

 

“Kyle- Kyle, please! I miss you!”

 

Kyle was already walking away, carrying a damn baby wrapped in a hoodie. Stan watched him go, the snow beginning to fall. It looked straight out of a lifetime movie.

 

“Kyle! I love you!”

 

Kyle didn’t look back.

 

Stan was left standing in the snow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cant believe i quoted an episode but its for the angsts


	17. The Return Of Butters

**\--New Chat--**

 

buttercup: hi everyone!

 

clydeslide: BUTTERS IS BACK, PEACE IS RESTORED.

 

kendoll: LEOOOOO!

 

buttercup: hey clyde, hey kenny

 

buttercup: im finally ungrounded!

 

kendoll: [several heart emojis]

 

gametokens: I can’t believe Kenny is being super gay in my own home.

 

clydeslide: but we’re super gay, token

 

gametokens: Well yeah.

 

kendoll: then let me be gay

 

buttercup: anyway

 

buttercup: how is everyone?

 

kendoll: better now that youre here [heart emojis]

 

jinger: KENNY DONT BE GAY

 

buttercup: awwww [heart emojis]

 

jinger: Anyway!

 

jinger: Why were you grounded in the first place, Butters?

 

buttercup: im not sure!

 

buttercup: maybe i got a bad grade?

 

buttercup: or somethin.

 

buttercup: anyway!

kendoll: hey leo!!!

 

buttercup: :?

 

kendoll: i wanna take you!!! on!!! a!!! date!!!

 

buttercup: !!!!!

 

kendoll: i uhm! wanna go to the park. sometime. this weekend

 

jinger: This is a public chat.

 

beebeegun: no, kyle, i want to see this

 

buttercup: awe shucks! id love to go!!!!

 

buttercup: ill bring a picnic!!!

 

buttercup: what kind of sandwiches do you like?

 

kendoll: any.

 

buttercup: how about peanut butter and apricot jelly?

 

kendoll: theres...apricot jelly

 

gametokens: Yeah, and apple, and raspberry….

 

kendoll: oh okay

 

kendoll: yeah that sounds really good babe

 

buttercup: good!!!! im excited!!!

 

kendoll: me too 

 

jinger: Is this hell?

 

callgirl: Probably.

 

buttercup: we’re done guys

 

kendoll: for now [heart emojis]

jinger: Let Me Die.

 

beebeegun: yknow whats weird

 

callgirl: Hm?

 

beebeegun: we always have a counterpart in this friendship group yknow

 

heidihole: What do you mean?

 

beebeegun: usually people theyre dating i mean

 

heidihole: I don’t.

 

beebeegun: i mean

 

beebeegun: most of us

 

beebeegun: like, wendy and i, craig and tweek, clyde and token…

 

jinger: I don’t have one.

 

beebeegun: well, yours is stan

 

jinger: I don’t. Talk. To. Stan.

 

**\--kendoll has gone offline--**

 

gametokens: Oh, goddammit.

 

jinger: Shit.

 

gametokens: Don’t you say ‘shit’! This is your fault, Broflovski! 

 

jinger: What?!

 

gametokens: YOU’RE the one who keeps hitting the nerve, not me, not Kenny, not Stan!

 

buttercup: um…

 

jinger: Oh, fuck you, Token!

 

gametokens: Stan’s not the one making Kenny upset! YOU ARE!

**\--gametokens has gone offline--**

 

**\--jinger has gone offline--**

 

buttercup: whats going on here?!

 

beebeegun: oh butters, you precious bean

 

beebeegun: i have much to tell you.


	18. Locked Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hi this is half-assed :)

**CALL TRANSCRIPT: KENNY to STAN**

KENNY: Hey.

STAN: Hey! What’s up?

KENNY: Nothing, really. I’m. Worried about all the shit that’s....happening lately.

STAN: ....Kyle and I?

  
KENNY: Yeah, you and Kyle.

KENNY: I miss hanging out with both of you.

STAN: Me too. I miss him.

KENNY: How are you?

STAN: Fine. Sober.

KENNY: That’s good! That’s really, really good.

STAN: I haven’t touched a drink since....Does Kyle talk about me?

KENNY: Yes.

STAN: What does he say?

KENNY: That you’re an idiot.

STAN: Oh.

KENNY: He’s just....being difficult.

STAN: I deserve it.

KENNY: No, no. You guys just need to talk it out.

STAN: Yeah. Kyle talking to me. Likely story.

KENNY: He has to eventually.

KENNY: ....Hey, Stan.

STAN: Hm?

KENNY: You know about those....locked room challenges?

STAN: ....Ken, I think you’re onto something.

 

**private message: clydeslide to gametokens**

clydeslide: token, are you okay?

gametokens: I’m fine.

clydeslide: you dont talk to me like you used to :(

gametokens: .....I’m sorry.

gametokens: What’s up?

clydeslide: i just miss you.

gametokens: Babe, once all this blows over, I’ll take you on a date.

clydeslide: oh yeah?

gametokens: Yeah!

clydeslide: that would be awesome!!!

gametokens: I can’t wait.


	19. Muffled

**private message: kendoll to marshman**

 

kendoll: kyle and i are outside

 

marshman: i really cant thank you enough for this, kenny

 

kendoll: its fine

 

kendoll: i miss you guys

 

marshman: i miss being a group, too

  
  
  


“So, we’re meeting Wendy and Heidi here?” Kyle raised his eyebrows at Kenny, who was walking a bit ahead of him.

 

“Yup,” Kenny nodded towards him. “Friendship exercise that Heidi came up with. I promised Leo I’d go, since he thinks you and I have been strained.”

 

Kyle scoffed. “I think we’re fine.”   
  


“Me too- but I dunno, I think it’d be fun.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, I like puzzles.”

 

“You’re a smart guy, so I guess you can help me figure it out.”

 

Kenny opened the door for Kyle, doing some sort of bow which earned him a smack on the forehead.

 

“What the fuck is he doing here.”

 

Stan waved at Kyle with a nervous smile. 

 

“What the fuck, Kenny! This isn’t what I agreed to!”  Kyle flipped around and shoved Kenny back towards the door. “You fucking- DAMMIT!”

 

“I booked us in this locked room for an hour,” Kenny sighed. “And we aren’t getting out until that hour lets up or you guys solve the puzzle.”

 

“FUCK THAT! I am NOT staying here with this asshole drunk!”

 

“Asshole drunk?! It was one time, Kyle!”

 

“One time? Oh, yeah, one time that week?”

 

Kyle stomped over to Stan, fists balled up. 

 

“Kyle, calm down! God!”

 

“I don’t have to calm down, you dick!”

 

“Wait, guys, let’s talk-” Kenny sighed. 

 

“Shut UP, Kenny!” Kyle snapped. Kenny shrunk back.

 

“Don’t yell at Kenny, asshat!”

 

“This isn't about Kenny! This is about you being a dick! A dick who’s going to be a deadbeat like his dad if he doesn’t step the fuck up!”

 

“What did you call my dad?!”

 

“Don’t tell me you’re defending him! You hate him!”

 

“Oh, I thought he was  _ better than Kenny’s _ , Kyle!”

 

“You know very fucking well I didn’t mean it like that!”

 

“Oh, yeah? Isn’t it?”

 

“Fuck you, you don’t know anything! You’re just a useless drunk!”

 

“And you’re just a whiny bitch! Your point, Kyle?!”

 

When Kyle went to open his mouth, a sob came out. Wait. No.

 

Kyle and Stan turned.

 

….Kenny was crying,kneeled on the ground.

 

“Holy shit!” Stan kneeled next to him, eyebrows knitted in concern. “Kenny, dude, what’s wrong?”

 

Kenny pulled on the strings of his hood, covering his face.

 

“Kenny, c’mon, talk to us.” Kyle knelt on his other side.

 

“Mmmhfuckyoumomsmhfh!”

 

“What?” Stan blinked.

 

Kyle’s eyes widened. “His….parents.”

 

His parents that fought all the time.

 

Oh, shit.

 

“MFMHMFMMMHMPH!!!” Kenny yelled something at them behind his hood, sobbing and shaking.

 

“We can’t hear you like that,” Stan sighed, reaching out to grab the hood.

 

“MMFHHFMFMMMH!!!” Kenny screamed and scrambled away from them, kicking at Stan.

 

“Shit,” Stan glanced at Kyle.

 

“Kenny-” 

 

“MMFMM!”

 

“What?”

 

“MFMFMFMMFM!”

 

“He said ‘stay away from me’,” Kyle blinked, frowning deeper. It had been a long time since he had to translate for Kenny, since he hadn’t muffled his voice this much since sixth grade.

 

“Should we call somebody?”

 

“....I don’t know. W-Wendy?”

 

“Do you think she could help?”

 

“I trust her, at least.”

 

“Fine. Try Wendy.”   
  
  
**CALL TRANSCRIPT: STAN to WENDY**

 

Stan: Hey, u-uh, Wendy?

 

Wendy: Stan, it’s the middle of the night. What do you want?

 

Stan: Something’s wrong with Kenny.

 

Wendy: Is he high or something?

 

Stan: No...he’s...uh...crying and screaming and won’t let us touch him?

 

Wendy:

 

Stan: Uh, Wendy? Are you there…?

 

Wendy: What did you do?

 

Stan: Kyle and I were fighting, and…[mumbling] Kyle says we might have reminded him of his mom and dad? [muffled sobbing in background]

 

Wendy: Dammit, Stan!

 

Wendy: Where are you?

 

Stan: The locked room challenge thing downtown.

 

Wendy: What?

 

Stan: Google maps.

 

Wendy: Alright.

 

Wendy: I’m bringing Heidi and Craig with me.

 

Stan: Why Craig?

 

Wendy: His boyfriend has panic attacks all the time.

 

Stan: Is Kenny having a panic attack?!

 

Wendy: It sure sounds like it.

 

Wendy: He’ll calm down on his own, but I don’t think you’re the ones he’s gonna take comfort from.

 

Stan: What if he’s not having a panic attack?

 

Wendy: What if he is? I’m bringing Craig.

 

Stan: Okay.

  
  


Stan and Kyle sat in front of their crying friend. 

  
  
“How long will it take Wendy?” Kyle mumbled.

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“....I’m sorry, Stan.”

 

“Me too.”

 

“I said some awful things. I know your parents are shitty. I never should have said otherwise.”

 

“Your dad is a piece of shit, too,” Stan chuckled.

 

“We all have awful parents.”

 

“Adults are disgusting.”

 

Kenny kept crying. Kyle reached out. Kenny slapped his hand away.

 

“I’m going to a therapist and a psychiatrist now,” Stan admitted. “She’s getting me medication for depression.”

 

“That’s really great, Stan,” Kyle smiled at him weakly. “We should focus on Kenny, though.”

 

“Oh yeah. But, uh, Kyle?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Super best friends?”

 

“Super best friends.”

 

Wendy slammed open the door. “We’re going to my house!”

 

“Yes ma’am,” Kyle and Stan nodded.


	20. 2 out of 4

Wendy was sleeping over with Heidi, Bebe, and Nichole, so they were all waiting back at her house. And when Wendy called Craig, he was spending the night with Tweek, who insisted on coming. Then Craig told Token, who told Clyde.

 

So it was no surprise that Kyle, Stan, and shaking Kenny had to cram into the backseat between Clyde, and the two damn lovebirds.

 

Token got the front seat. Nobody questioned it.

 

Kenny had stopped crying, by now, but was still a wreck. He kept his hands on his drawstrings, face buried in that hood, just like in Elementary school. He looked just as small. It occured to Kyle that, he had seen Kenny cry, but never have a panic attack like the one just now. Or one at all, for that matter. It was Tweek who had panic attacks, or sometimes Kyle himself, and a few times, Token or Heidi. But never Kenny.

 

He still refused to let Kyle and Stan touch him, flinching away every time. Tweek finally reached over Stan’s shoulders and rubbed the other blonde’s back, his arm shaking as much as Kenny himself. Craig had fallen asleep at some point, and Clyde was casting nervous glances around the car. Wendy stayed focused on the road.

 

“Are Bebe and Heidi at your place?” Kyle asked, feeling his friend tremble next to him.

 

“Yes,” Wendy replied, face hard. “They’ve got everything set up. My parents are out of town for the night.”

 

“T-they t-trusted you with the whole house?” Tweek piped up, hand still resting on Kenny’s back.

 

“I’m a good kid. Of course they trust me.”

 

“Oh….”

 

When the car parked, Wendy snuck them in through the back, as the neighbors were watching to check on her per her parent’s request. Token insisted they wouldn’t be checking at midnight, but Wendy just shoved him through the backdoor.

 

“I thought only four were coming,” Heidi said, the moment Wendy ushered the group into her room.

 

“Craig can’t keep his mouth shut,” Clyde mumbled, earning a middle finger from Craig, which honestly didn’t mean too much coming from him.

 

“....Well, then,” Bebe sighed, scooting away from the pillow she was sitting on. “I’m assuming everyone’s coming?”

“No, not everyone,” Wendy sat down on her bed. “Unless somebody texted Butters when I wasn’t looking.”

 

“Should we? It’s  _ his  _ boyfriend….” Heidi frowned and scrunched up her face.

 

“MM-MPH! MM-MPH!” Kenny shook his head wildly, sitting on the ground on a nearby pillow, head buried in his knees.

 

“Aw…” Heidi scooted closer to him. “Hey, Kenny.”

 

He grumbled something towards her. She grimaced and scooted away.

 

“What did he say?” Kyle frowned.

 

“I don’t know, but it ended with bitch,” Heidi mumbled. Nichole chose that moment to walk in, and blinked.

 

“I’ll sit downstairs,” She turned on her heel and left. After a moment, Clyde followed her, leading Token after him.

 

“The room’s less full. Is that better?” Wendy asked, gently.

 

“Mmfmmmoutoufmere.”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Getthemmoutoufmore.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“GET THEM OUT OF HERE!” Kenny pointed in the direction of Stan and Kyle, then hid his face again.

 

Kyle and Stan looked at eachother. The glare Wendy gave told them to go.

 

“Bebe, Craig, you too,” Tweek spoke up. Every set of eyes besides Kenny’s turned to him.

 

“What?” Bebe tilted her head.

 

“Hng...I hate a crowded room if I’m panicking. Nngh...Three is best if Heidi stays quiet,” Tweek spoke fairly confidently, at least for him. He was in his damn element, at least. “And is...nngh...a physical place for Kenny to ground while Wendy and I talk to him.”

 

They stared at him.

 

“Gah! Why are you looking at me?” Tweek bit his lip. 

 

“Nothing, just...nothing,” Bebe got up and left.

 

Craig paused there, still holding Tweek’s hand.

 

“I’ll be okay,” Tweek gave him a weak smile and kissed his cheek. “Trust me.”

 

“O...Okay….” Craig backed out, along with Bebe.

 

Wendy and Tweek kneeled in front of Kenny, focusing immediately.

 

“Kenny, can you look at me,” Wendy asked him, sighing.

 

Kenny looked up, eyes wide. 

 

“Good. Can you tell us what’s wrong?” 

 

“StanmmKylemmh.”

 

“Can y-you take off your hood, please?” Tweek pulled at his sleeves.

 

Reluctantly,Kenny removed his hood.

 

“Now, what did Stan and Kyle do?”

 

“.....Yell.”

 

“Yell? Is that it?

 

“They- yeah, they yelled, and Stan….called Kyle a bitch for some reason...and K-Kyle called him a drunk and Kyle told me to shut up-”   
  


“Breathe,” Wendy reminded him.

 

“...That’s it…” Kenny sighed. “I wasn’t listening, I just heard yelling. And...what if...yeah.”

 

“What if what?” Heidi cleared her throat.

 

“They got...violent, or….”

 

“You’re worried they’d hurt you?”

 

“Not really! Kind of. Yes.”   
  


“W-what do you need, Ken?” Tweek blinked at him.

 

“....Quiet. A nap.”

 

“You can use the guest room,” Wendy nodded.

 

“....Thank you.”


	21. Lunch

The next few weeks were very normal. 

The school year was slowly but surely drawing to it’s close, and Kenny had only died a few times. Stan and Kyle were super best friends again, Kyle making lovey-dovey faces at him when he wasn’t looking. An added bonus was Stan’s medication starting to do the trick; he assured them he felt a lot better lately.

Prom hit like a bullet. Without any warning, the cheerleaders were set up in the cafeteria at lunch, Bebe handing out tickets at two dollars apiece. 

Kenny was frantically digging in his pockets, mumbling to himself.

“Dude, what are you looking for?” Stan kind of chuckled. “You already set three dollars on the table. Buy your ticket.”

“I want to buy Leo’s, too! Like a gentleman!” Kenny hissed, sighing. “I don’t have any money on me besides that.” 

“I can give you a dollar, Kenny,” Token snorted.

“I need to buy it myself! It’s part of my honor.” 

“What honor?” Craig shoveled food into his mouth. Kenny kicked him under the table, glaring.

“Just borrow a dollar. I’ll let you pay me back later.” Kyle held out a dollar, eyebrows raised. 

Kenny stared at it, then took the dollar and stood. 

“Are we going to prom?” Tweek laid his head on Craig’s shoulder.

“I mean, I didn’t think you wanted to.”

“Nngh- prom is an important experience, isn’t it?”

“I guess. Do you want to go?”

“Kinda…” Tweek twitched a bit more.

“Okay, we’ll go to prom,” Craig nodded. Tweek smiled at him.

“....Anyway,” Clyde cleared his throat. “We should have a party.”

“Why?” Token snorted.  
“I mean, the school year is ending! Let’s party!”

“Gah! What kind of party? Will people be drinking?”

Everyone pretended not to shoot a glance at Stan.

“Just a little,” Clyde admitted. “Only if people want to.”

“If you set it up, we’ll go,” Stan took the apple of Kyle’s tray, and the latter smacked at him when he bit into it.

“Cool! Maybe just us. Maybe the school.”

“Agh! The whole school?!”

“Yes, Tweek, the whole school. Even the teachers. They will kill you,” Clyde kept a straight face.

“GAH!!!” Tweek pulled at his hair. Craig moved his hands away and glared at Clyde, mouthing ‘not funny’.

“I’m kiddddingggg,” Clyde rolled his eyes.

The lunch bell rang.


	22. Big Fun!

“Can you hand me that bottle?”

 

“This is cleaning fluid.”

 

“No, the other one.”

 

“That is also cleaning fluid, Clyde.”

 

“Yeah, I know.”

 

“You’re making punch,” Token held the bottle of  409 to his chest, eyebrows raised.

 

Clyde laughed. “It’s not for the punch, dude. It’s for the floor. Things gotta be spotless if I wanna make a good impression.”

 

“Did you spill something?” 

 

“Yeah, some of the booze.I don’t want my parents feeling a sticky spot.”

 

“Didn’t Kyle say no alcohol?” Token chuckled, and held out the 409 to his boyfriend. 

 

“Around Stan- but anybody else can drink it,” Clyde spritzed the ground and scrubbed at the spot. “Kyle just doesn’t wanna lot of it. That’s why we have punch and soda.”

 

“Smart,” Token resumed his task of putting together little ham and cheese sandwiches. His idea, not Clyde’s. 

 

“Do you think this is enough snacks?” Clyde put his hand on his chin, blinking. “We’re gonna have a lot of people…”

 

Token wrapped his arms around him. “I think it’s a perfect amount. That’s a lotta chips.”

 

“Lotta sandwiches, too.”

 

“I am the sandwich master.” 

 

“That’s right. My boyfriend, master of sandwiches.”

 

“And master of perfect grammar.”

 

“You could run circles around me on an essay.”

 

Token kissed him, smiling. “I really could. I love you.” 

“I love you, too!”

 

The doorbell rang as they stood there.

  
  
  


About a hour into the party, Token and Clyde ran into eachother, Token holding a Doctor Pepper can and Craig’s hat, and Clyde with a juice box.

 

“Why do you have that?” Clyde pointed at the hat.

 

“I have no idea.”

 

“Cool,” Clyde nodded. “Do you think if I wear it people will think I’m him?”

 

“Flip somebody off and they will.”

 

Token put the hat on Clyde’s head. Clyde flipped a nearby girl off.

 

“Clyde, what the fuck are you wearing?” She snorted, walking away. Clyde sighed and shoved it back into Token’s hands. Token laughed a little.

 

“You look better hat-less, in my personal opinion.”

 

“You just like my hair!”   
  


“What can I say? I’m a sucker for brunettes.”

 

“And my dashing good looks, and my athletic prowess, and-”

 

“Okay, geez, I get it.”

 

Clyde shrugged and smiled, poking the straw into his juice box.

 

“Mr.Party Animal drinks Hi-C?” Token tilted his head.

 

“Hell yeah he does!”

 

“Hi-C isn’t even that good.”

 

“No way. I love this box of acid.”

 

“I think Dr.Pepper is more like acid.”

 

Somebody screamed.

 

When it came to a house full of high school students, it was obvious when somebody was having a fight. Token and Clyde pushed through the crowd to the source of the action. 

 

Stan was pushing Eric fucking Cartman against the wall, face beet red with his own anger.

 

“I didn’t invite him,” Clyde hissed, stepping forward.

 

“Get off me, dude!” Cartman tried to push Stan off of him. It seemed the fact that Stan was on so many sports teams was going to make that difficult. 

 

“I’m so fucking sick of your mouth,” Stan hissed, balling up his t-shirt in his fist. “I’m so fucking sick of  _ you! _ ”

 

“C’mon, Stan, chill-”

 

Stan sucker-punched him, as hard as he could, and took another hit before Cartman could even process what was happening. A tooth hit the floor. Several were recording at this point.

 

“Stan!” Clyde shouted, but Stan was busy hitting everywhere he could land a fist or a kick.

 

“Dude, stop!” Kenny grabbed him from behind and held him. After being shocked, Token helped keep him back, while Clyde stayed between them.

 

Stan had knocked out the asshole at some point, leaving him slumped on the wall.

 

“....I’ll get him to a hospital,”  Clyde said, after a moment. “Token, can you help?”

 

Token nodded, letting go of Stan. “Why the fuck did you fight hi-”

 

A gentle sob.

 

They turned to the open bathroom door behind them.

 

Kyle sat there, crying.


	23. Kyle and Those Guys

Kenny and Stan kneeled by Kyle the moment they saw him. 

“Hey, dude, what’s up?” Kenny blinked. “What did he do?”

“N-nothing, just-” Kyle sniffled and wiped his nose. “He was just saying the same shit he always said...b-but it...kinda threw m-me off guard? Because it’s been so...long, y-you know?”

“Yeah, I understand,” Stan patted his friend’s back. “I beat the shit out of him, by the way.”

“Oh, y-yeah?” Kyle chuckled. 

“I knocked his tooth out.”

“It was wild,” Kenny nodded, smiling.

“T-that’s good….” Kyle shivered. He wasn’t wearing his jacket, and Clyde’s bathroom was unreasonably cold. 

Kenny and Stan took their jackets off at the same time. Kyle laughed.

“We’re being gentlemen,” Kenny said defensively.

“Don’t you have a boyfriend, Kenny?”

“Not romantic gentleman! Goddammit- give him your jacket, Stan.”

“No way!” Kyle protested. “There’s a f-furry hood on Kenny’s, so it’s b-better.”

“Dude, just take mine,” Stan held it out. Kyle shrugged and draped it over his shoulders.

“Oh, that’s much better….” Kyle snuggled into it, smiling.

“You promise he didn’t hurt you?” Kenny tilted his head. 

“I promise, he’s just an idiot,” Kyle sighed, leaning back. “He just called me everything he always did.”

“You never used to cry…”

“I never used to get backed up against a wall,” Kyle mumbled. 

Kenny nodded. “We get it, we get it. Do you wanna go home?”

“Kinda, yeah.”

“Okay then. Let’s go.”


	24. Kagerou Days

“Kenny!”

 

With no warning, Kenny was pretty much tackled by his boyfriend. 

 

“Augh!” Kenny attempted to turn in Butters’ arms, to no avail. “Hey-o, babe.”

 

“Hey-o! How are you?”

 

“Better now that you’re here. Did I do that one already?”

 

“Yeah, but it’s still sweet!”

 

Kenny smiled and pried the arms off from around his stomach. “Did you bring our food?”

 

Butters went pale. Kenny rolled his eyes and laughed. “Babe, it’s fine, we’ll just take a walk or somethin’.”

 

“But I worked so hard on them….”

 

“And I’m sure they were absolutely delicious.”

 

“Oh, geez. So, we’re going on a walk?”

 

“Yuh-huh,” Kenny nodded, taking Butters’ hand, grinning like a doofus. “You ready?”

 

“Yeah! I’m ready!”

 

“Now, what do you do on a walk for like...fun?”

 

“I dunno, actually….”

 

“I was kinda hoping you would.”

 

Kenny sat on the ground, legs crossed, then laid back. Butters sat next to him, and a few moments of silence passed.

 

“Staring?” Kenny mumbled. His arm was thrown over his eyes, but he smiled. 

 

“Uh! Well- gee- I,um- well-”

 

“Leo, dude, it’s fine. You’re fine.”

 

“Hooo, gee.”

Kenny laughed again. “Dude, really, I’m teasing. I’d stare at you if the sun wouldn’t get in my eyes.”

 

“Shucks, Ken!”

 

“Did you know that word is a combination of shit and fuck? Because it is.”

 

“Wait, really?”

 

“Yup, and Goofy says it all the time.”

 

“So I should stop saying shucks?”

 

“I’ve literally heard you say shit and fuck. I’ve heard you say both of those things more than once, in fact.”

 

“Well, yeah…”

 

“So, you can say shucks all you want.” Kenny sat back up and smiled at him.

 

Butters blushed and shrugged.

 

“Embarrassed?” Kenny scrunched up his nose and nuzzled it against the other’s cheek. 

 

“Shuuush-!”

 

Kenny pulled him up. “C’mon. We’re walking to the deli.”

 

“Oh, okay-” Butters yelped as Kenny dragged him along and past the park, past the stores, pushing past people on the sidewalk, past a building being constructed.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It happened very fast.

 

First people screamed. Startled, Butters let go of Kenny’s hand.

 

It was a beam, from the building above, and it fell off the crane lifting it.    
  


Kenny was still running, then stopped when he heard screaming, and felt an emptiness in his hand. And looked up.

 

The beam hit him right through the middle, impaling and mounting him on it. The blood shot out his mouth for a moment, then he stilled, hanging there.

 

Somebody was screaming.

 

Butters realized it was himself.


	25. heyo

hi i have no ending for this sorry


End file.
